Today is a big day. It’s the opening day of “Big Momma’s House: Like Father, Like Son”, the third film in the Martin Lawrence-helmed series. And as of 2:38 PM, Friday Feb 18, the film is currently rated at 0% on the Tomatometer at Rotten Tomatoes … which might be a bit generous. Let’s go to the reviews.

Cruel: “Agonisingly slow and laughter-free.” Charlotte O’Sullivan — This is London

Crueler: “The movie is at least 20 minutes too long. Actually, it’s 107 minutes too long.” Roz Laws — Birmingham Post

Cruelest: “The world’s least funny comedian returns in this lazily written, pointless and painfully laugh-free threequel … that should be avoided at all costs.” Matthew Turner – ViewLondon

Brutal. But this got us to thinking about other films like it. Films that use the “Hey, look at me! I didn’t even try to come up with something new!” big, red font for their titling. So, in honor of the opening day of “Big Momma’s House: Like Father, Like Son”, we present to you several more marketing schemes that give good proof to this equation: Red Font + Comedy = Terrible.

If I was a Vodka man, I’d be hard pressed not to drink Absolut Vodka. These guys are marketing in a way that only a filmmaker can truly admire. As a follow up to their sponsorship of a comedy short by Zack Galifianakis (with Tim and Eric of Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!), Absolut has gifted us with a new short film from director Spike Jonze (Were the Wild Things Are, Being John Malkovitch, Adaptation) called “I’m Here.”

The short film has remarkably high production value; the kind that makes you break the tenth commandment. And if that wasn’t enough, it is being presented in a spectacular way. Each day, limited screenings take place in a virtual online theater, making views feel so exclusive that you’re not likely to turn it off half-way through. If there’s any way to get an audience to sit through a half-hour short film, this may be the best way I’ve seen yet…but being Spike Jonze doesn’t hurt either.